17.

Why is my head so clouded? I try to think clearly, but everything feels so fuzzy, like I’m swimming through fog. I’m indecisive, broken, lost, terrified, alone, and so much more. I can never seem to figure anything out, and it’s driving me insane.

Everything is taking a toll on me, and I don’t know how to handle it. I used to be so headstrong, the kind of girl who knew exactly what she wanted in life. Every day, I wonder: How did I end up like this?

Now, I barely make jokes or laugh. I’m always so serious like I’ve forgotten how to enjoy life. But 17-year-old Junnie—she was different. She battled so much, yet she always had a smile on her face. She made the best of everything because she knew she’d get through it.

Seventeen-year-old me would be so disappointed in who I’ve become. I’ve let her down. She was driven, full of life, and so sure of herself. She didn’t take shit from anyone. I admire her. I miss her. To be her.